"Where is it? What do I do?"

Something not a lot of people know about me: I'm really obsessed into medieval historical novels & biographies (think Henry VIII). A chance late-night viewing of this movie is what started it all, although the movie is riddled with glaring historical inaccuracies.

Since then, if it's been written, odds are I've read it. I particularly enjoyed the novel on Henry VIII written by Margaret George, and have since read every one of her novels, even the ones not taking place in the 1500/1600's. Every one of them was fantastic, and of course that meant I was very looking forward to the release of her Elizabeth I novel on April 5, 2011. So looking forward that I preorded it from Amazon over a month early.

As some of you are probably realizing, April 5 has come and gone. If you're guessing this means I still don't have the book, well, you'd be right.

On April 6, I checked Amazon's site to find out the status of my order. I had it sent with the free shipping option so I was expecting a possible delay - I was not expecting, however, to see that it had not even been shipped yet. A call to Amazon elicited apologies and a complimentary upgrade to free overnight shipping. I was told I would have the book on the 7th and apparently the issue was that Amazon only had the paperback version available when I preordered, but the book ended up being only in stock in hardcover.

That was yesterday. Still no book.

So, I called again. The rep checked over the previous notes, and saw the paperback vs. hardcover mention. She switched my order to the hardcover version, and I reminded her about the complimentary overnight upgrade. She saw the note for that and set it for overnight shipping, and I was told I would have it today, Friday, April 8.

Unfortunately, I cannot say I was surprised when I didn't get the book today. Checking in on Amazon's site, I saw that the book still hadn't been shipped. It has a delivery estimate of Monday, April 11, an entire week after the book was released. Adding insult to injury was the charge of $17.98 for overnight shipping - more than the cost of the book - that was charged to my bank account.

$17.98 to overnight a book???

Another phone call to Amazon, another rep. This time I was told that whoever processed the order processed it as a new order, rather than a replacement order, and so I would be responsible for shipping. I questioned him on that - how is it my fault that the rep from the day before processed the order wrong? I had been offered FREE overnight shipping to make up for the mistake. He repeated that, because it had been processed as a new order, I was responsible for the shipping fee. He was quick to say, however, that since the book had not actually been overnighted, that he would be able to refund the shipping fees.

Part of me wants to just let it go and be happy that I am getting the benefit of my original bargain. But a far bigger part of me is livid that a rep messed up and so Amazon tried to screw me for almost $20 in shipping. I wonder how many other people they actually HAVE screwed like that.

What's that all about, Amazon? I've been a customer for about 10 years. I've never, ever had a shipping issue with you guys. Even on the few times I've had to call about something, it's been fixed quickly and I've never been told I was responsible for re-shipping or anything like that.

I love the ability to get inexpensive books delivered quickly and avoiding the hassle of traveling to the nearest could-do-better bookstore. But after a series of mistakes like this, I'll have to weigh my options carefully before ordering something so anticipated through Amazon.

You want the package? You can't handle the package!

Sometimes, I get packages. Not often, but maybe a few times a year. Sometimes we order something off Amazon, or maybe Newegg. Sometimes my mom sends us something. Some sources are great when it comes to shipping. If we aren't home, UPS (and FedEx too, to their credit) will leave it in our apartment office, which accepts packages for residents who aren't otherwise able to sign for them.

Not so, however, with the United States Postal Service.

Until sometime last year, the USPS was leaving packages at the office. I clearly remember picking up some things there shipped USPS Priority. Around December, that changed. First it was a package from Old Navy. Then, from Amazon. Yesterday, it was a package from my mom. For those who don't know, my husband & I co-host a World of Warcraft podcast, GKick (insert shameless plug here). We'd been holding on to our 2008 Blizzcon goodie bags and we were finally prepared to start offering up our swag as giveaways for our show. So my great awesome fantastic mom found them for us (one of many things left in CA when we moved to MA) and shipped them out.

I knew the package was coming. I had a tracking number and everything. I knew it was out for delivery. When we didn't hear anything as the afternoon went on, we checked the USPS site.

It said they attempted to deliver and we weren't home.

Cue blind rage.

Not only was I home, as I am almost every day in my role as a stay-home wife, but my husband was home as well. Seeing as this is the third offense in four months, I decided it was time to complain. In a slightly related but altogether different story, it's quite difficult to get someone on the phone at 1-800-ASK-USPS who will take a complaint. Once they do, though, they're quite nice. I was told I'd get a call in a day or so from my local branch to talk about the issue.

This morning, I got that call. A brusque and slightly peeved-sounding woman called from a private number (she's lucky I answered, I did it on a whim) and after confirming my identity proceeded to tell me exactly why I was wrong and essentially called me a liar. And I quote: "The carrier knocked on your door and there was no answer. You must have been in the bathroom or something."

Normally, I'd accept this as a possibility. Contrary to popular belief I do in fact use the facilities from time to time. But there were two people home today, and neither of them were in the bathroom at the same time. There was always someone who would have heard if there was a knock at the door - or, if the carrier had the brains God gave a billy goat, a ringing of our very loud buzzer.

Tired of discussing my bathroom habits with a faceless USPS employee, I moved on to Point 2: If the tenant isn't home, packages should be left at the main office. UPS does it. FedEx does it. The USPS used to do it. Her reply? "Even if you request the package be left there, we won't do it. It's not secure, and if something happens we take the blame."

Let's recap, shall we? If I'm not home, I don't get my package. If I am home, the carrier doesn't knock, and I don't get my package. If I know there's a chance I may not be home, and request that packages be left attended and secure at the main office, I don't get my package. I'm unable to figure out a circumstance short of sitting outside waiting for the carrier to show up where I actually do get to receive my package without having a failed delivery attempt and having to just go pick it up myself.

After picking up my package at the local USPS office, I made a call to my mom, and requested that from now on she just send everything FedEx. And people wonder why the USPS is bleeding money.